Are you buzzed about Balance?

What is balance? Your Employer & Co-workers preach the word; you try everything in your power to obtain it. So what’s all the buzz?

Looking up balance in the Webster online dictionary the following nouns and verbs can be used to describe the meaning of balance:

1) Balance (noun): A state of equilibrium or equality of distribution.

2) Balance (verb): Bring into balance or equilibrium; "She has to balance work and her domestic duties"; "balance the two weights".

Balance: Some would describe it: 1) feeling happy & fulfilled at work and home. 2) The ability to have a successful career & rewarding home life. 3) Time to pursue outside interest as well as professional interests.

Balance may mean something different to each individual but boils down to one common theme: Being happy with home and work life.

I belong to a balance & diversity committee at work. We were privileged to read our coworker’s answers to the question, “What does balance mean to them”? May verbs and nouns later… The common theme, be happy!

Balance is an equation! Part 1- Employer offers flexibility in a changing workforce to keep employees motivated & content. Part 2- Employees must be honest with their employer regarding their goals and their limits. That way both are working on a perfect balance equation for you.

I see & hear employee’s harboring negative feeling for their situation all the time. Instead of going to the employer to discuss… they continue to complain behind close doors. Some find another job with another company to obtain “balance”. Sometimes the new company will aid in achieving that balance equation. Other times you will still find yourself in the same situation with your new employer.

To achieve Balance the bottom line is to communicate your goals and wants to your Employer! If you don’t communicate, how do you expect a successful equation and solution? I realize this is easier in theory than practice. At some point you have to let go and not be consumed with, “what will the Employer think of me”… Be brave and be honest.

On the other hand there fear can stop you form being honest. Some companies are old fashion. They are not up with the times of our changing workforce & their needs. Therefore balance is a foreign word. Another challenge can be when it is a male dominated workforce. The only job in these male dominated workforces offering balance is the receptionist position. I agree this is a feminine perspective but lets face it, how many men do you know going around talking about balance between work and home life. They may think about it but very few are brave enough to say it.

Just like everything in life balance is a two way street. To obtain balance requires hard work. Finding our balance is like a road of self discovery and self improvement. If we aren’t out there learning new coping skills, methods and putting in good old fashion blood and sweat…Balance will remain an unattainable ideal.

Two Sides

I’ve always been careful of:

-The words I use
-When to talk & when to be quiet
-When to speak my mind and when to hold my tongue

Ever since I was a young girl I’ve always felt there were two sides of my personality

1- people pleaser, careful, timid, empathic, great listener
2- Outgoing, loud, outspoken, stubborn, adventurous

I’ve flipped back and forth my whole life. Part of my heart and soul says to do one thing while the other is in complete contrast.

Why can’t both sides form one identity, one purpose! I’m so tired of standing on the fence not sure which side is the right one for me.

Why am I like this? Even when people explain situations to me I can always argue pro and con points of view. Maybe I was destined to be a world famous mediator.

I started writing this by saying I’ve always been so careful. When I was younger I let one side of my personality take control in which my life became quite complex. The other side helped me pick up the pieces of my so called life and get my act together.

I was never a big decision maker (DM). Through my childhood, youth, teenage and young adult life I always asked for advice. That in itself is a positive thing but completely relying on what other advise me to do is not healthy. I have never fully trusted my intuition. Only in the last few years have I been forced to be the DM. My husband has a passive approach when I ask him for his advice. Dam it! It is exactly what I need.

I have strokes of genius when it comes to organization and plans. What I’ve learned to do is to hold on to that idea/choice, let it sit with me over a period of time and 9/10 times that once great idea loses its luster. Or maybe is it that I am too chicken to take a risk.

I see my son exhibiting the same traits. What can I say to help? I don’t want him to have to struggle like I do. This is a constant tug of war within. I’m tired and I’m only 29. Some days I feel like letting loose, like a 30 year old meltdown. Guess what side is telling me to gain control and get a hold of myself…Does anyone else feel this way?

What is your "Sweet Spot?"

I’ve been reading, Cure for the Common Life by Max Lucado for the last two months or so. This book promises to help identify your strengths and skills in order to find you’re “Sweet Spot” (what God has put you here on Earth for). Throughout this journey (thus far) I have faced positive and negative truths about my life. In one section of this book it asks you to describe things you enjoyed and where good at in your childhood, youth and adult life. The sad truth was I couldn’t think of anything. I contemplated for two days, remembering, reflecting and revisiting all the little things that make me, me. Initially, I came up with common themes, being outside, socializing with friends & family, persuading others in order to get my own way. A great start but far from specific examples. I enlist my family’s assistance on this important and pivotal subject.

First I ask my husband, “Honey, what am I really good at? What are my strengths?” If someone asked me what are my husband’s strengths I could name a variety of things. My husband replied, um, um… (A minute later) you’re a great mom! Yeah, what else…You’re an excellent bran muffin maker! What else…Basically, the above is all he could come up with. At this point I feel like crying. I call my mom. I ask her, what did I love doing as a child or in my youth? Silence… “Um, you sang all the time!” I respond, yes mom but this book asks you to identify not just what you enjoyed doing but what you were good at. I am not that great of a singer. What else…My mom named similar themes as I did. For example, that I loved going outside, etc. Then she said, “When you were little everywhere you went people seemed drawn to you. You were captivating or in my mother’s words, “you were fascinating to watch.”

This conversation did enlighten me to fact that when kids are small or even in their teens they either volunteer in their community or join a sports team or society. Although, I was in Brownies, had taken two years of piano lessons, was on the Basketball team and Volleyball team. My favorite part was the social aspect: bonding, making friends, keeping everyone’s spirit high. I loved the competitive and physical aspects as well. These activities aside, my childhood and youth were overshadowed by my struggles in academics. All my extra focus went into getting a passing grade.

I call my sister and ask similar questions, “What are my strengths, etc?” Erika replies like everyone else, stumped. Gurrrrrrr…I’m feeling pretty worthless. She did say I was good a kicking her ass growing up. That was true; I did beat her up a lot. Maybe, I can be the next boxing superstar. Um, well maybe, no! God has given every person a gift/strength, but yet I can’t see mine nor can anyone else for that matter.

I have about 25 pages left to go in my book. All I can say at this point is that I have uncovered my hidden talents. Stay tuned to hear what my “Sweet Spot" is!

Creating Easter eggs is not all it’s cracked up to be!

I know corny title but I can’t help myself. It took a few hours tonight to create my less than satisfying Easter eggs. I attempted to poke a hole in the top and bottom of the egg but my finger dexterity was no match for the tough outer exterior of the egg. My future Easter eggs became my hard boiled friends. Once that was completed, I submerged all three of my eggs into a variety (ok, two) of food coloring dyes. Hours later my eggs were finally ready for the design table. I enlisted the help of my son Zach. Step one, explaining our “mission impossible” to the egg and if they choose to accept it they would go down in history as the unbreakable Easter egg. The egg thought it over and agreed readily. Several minutes later all three eggs cracked slightly but still intact to complete the mission. With several tools of the trade: glue gun, markers, twists’, sprinkles and a picture the mission soon was completed. Next time I will leave Martha Stewart’s “how to guide” on making Easter eggs untouched on her Web page. Her web page creators should post a warning on the Easter egg sections. It may go something like this, “Warning, creating Easter eggs is one of the most difficult crafts to master. Only expert craft makers should attempt such a feat.

What are the odds?

Thursday morning I was clipping Ethan’s (my youngest son) nails when the last nail clipped flew up, finding its way past my glasses and into my eye. Ouch! I put Ethan down and ran for the bathroom, trying my hardest not to blink. I gazed into the mirror and could see the nail in the corner of my left eye. I tried to clasp it with my fingers but the attempt was unsuccessful. I then try flushing my eye with contact solution (don’t ask, it was what was handy). I check my eye again, no nail, it’s gone. The good news: it didn’t stick into my retina or any other part of my eye ball. The bad news: the nail is wedged under my eye lid. To make matters worse Ethan screamed at me the whole time. He was getting hungry and wanted me to hold him. This situation added to my already high frustration level.

I call Tele-Care (a switchboard of on call RN nurses that assess your situation via telephone and recommend the best course of action). The receptionist takes my information and states within a ½ hour I will hear from one of the nurses. After 45 minutes I call my doctors office to see if my family doctor can fit me in and retrieve the nail. The secretary explains that my doctor is no longer at that office and her office is closed until March 12. She advises me to call another clinic to see if a doctor there can see me. I call the clinic recommended but they are booked completely for the day. I call back to Tele-Care to find out why no one has called yet. The receptionist explains that my phone number had been recorded incorrectly. She then transfers me to a nurse. The nurse asks me many questions, in the end, as expected I would have to go to the emergency room to have the nail removed. She advises me to shut my eyelid and cover it with something to ensure the nail doesn’t change position and scratch my retina.

After I call my husband and brief him on the situation I fold up a Kleenex and tape it too my eye. While I’m waiting for Troy to pick Ethan and me up to go to the hospital I can feel the nail moving. It feels like the nail is now in the corner of my eye. I pull off the patch and sure enough the nail is in the corner of my eye. Because I can’t clasp it with my fingers I grab my tweezers and very carefully remove the nail. I keep the nail to show everyone and tell the tale. What are the odds a finger nail could potentially cause so much trouble. I was so lucky that the nail didn’t scratch my eye or the fact it came dislodged on its own and that I didn’t have to wait countless hours in the emergency room.

Famous last words

Every mother discusses their child's birth. Most mothers agree the delivery is the hardest component. Mothers especially love to talk about the juicy details of the delivery to expecting mothers. How much pain they were in... How long their delivery was... What it was like when their water broke... When I was pregnant with Ethan (He turned 9 months on Jan. 26) I was showered with great tips & advice. Any question that crossed my mind, someone had an answer for it or at the minimum an example of what so and so did in that situation.

With my first son, Zachary, everything happen so fast it was like skipping over the entire experience of the delivery. I educated myself by reading books on pregnancy & birth. However, my experience did not resemble anything in the book entitled, “What to expect when you’re expecting”. For example; my water broke (I didn't have the huge gush the experts had suggested) before my labor contractions. I had nothing but a few droplets of wetness every now and again. I concluded I was losing control of my bladder due to the weight from the baby. I had an appointment at the hospital to have my baby's heart beat monitored in which I mentioned this dripping. I asked the nurse, could my water of broke? They did a test and confirmed the leakage was my amniotic fluid. To make a long story short, I had no painful labor contractions. I did not dilate, nor did I respond to the drugs to induce labor. After 7 short hours I was being prepped for an emergency C-Section.

So as you can see, in my experience or lack of experience, relating to others who went through a natural delivery was a tad bit difficult. While pregnant with Ethan I expressed my hope of having a natural delivery. I prayed for the pain of labor, the highs and lows of it all. I told everyone that having a natural delivery was harder in the short term but in the long run it would be better than a C-Section.

While I was pregnant I watched dozens of "Birth Stories" on TLC. I said, "I can do this and I will not be such a wimp about it either"! I can remember seeing my sister in labor, she was moaning and groaning. Erika looked to be in a great deal of pain but deep down I was thinking, what a wussy!

By the time I was 40 and 1/2 weeks pregnant, my doctor advised me that a natural delivery wasn't looking like a feasible option (my cervix had not thinned out, which is required in order for your baby to pass through the birth canal). He said I could wait another week and hope that my body went into labor on its own and if not he would book a C-Section. Or I could go ahead and book the C-Section now because I was already over due and by waiting one more week I would be almost two weeks over do. Plus, while I waited for the surgery date I may go into labor on my own. I told him to book the surgery!

I was disappointed and very emotional at this point. It took all my energy not to start crying in the doctor’s office. I would be cheated out of the experience of labor again. My wish for the pain, sweat and tears of a natural delivery were over. My husband told me how sorry he was. I couldn't say anything; I didn't want to start crying. In my heart I felt the process of a natural delivery is a spiritual experience, one that I didn’t want to miss.

With the disappointing news behind me, I was beyond excited to find out the date of my C-Section. The day I would meet my unborn baby was fast approaching! The doctors office was suppose to call me the day after my appointment with the scheduled date of the C-Section. I had received many calls all day long, everyone wanted to know if the office called yet and what was the date of the C-Section. I was going crazy. Remember, I am almost a week over due now and beyond huge. Patience is at an all time low at this point. Finally, when I still didn't hear from them by 5 pm I called them. The receptionist informed me that she hadn’t heard anything about the date for my C-Section and that she would have to speak to the doctor. She asked me if she could call me back later that evening. I said, sure (what choice did I have?). Sadly, I failed to hear from her that night. As you can expect, I was quite upset. The next day I get a call around 1 pm regarding my scheduled section. April 26 @ 1:30 pm, my child would be born! The next few hours I spent calling everyone (family & friends) to announce the great news!

As my surgery date approached keeping busy was becoming extremely difficult. Carrying your unborn child 9 full months, once you pass your due date all you can focus on delivering your baby. The night before the surgery I was so excited, I could finally relax. I didn’t have to deal with the uncertainty of when I was going to go into labor. I knew in less than 24 hours I would get to hold my baby safely in my arms.

I just settled at the computer for a quick game when I leaned forward to grab my tea and felt a pop. I don't know if I started to feel the water gushing down my vaginal canal because I suddenly stood up. My amniotic fluid soaked my pants instantly. I wobbled to my bathroom laughing. I couldn't believe the timing. I yelled to my son Zach to get me a towel. He said, "what is it mom?" I said, "Tell your father my water just broke!" I was in denial over the amount of water flowing from… I was thanking my lucky stars that my water didn't break while I was out walking (I walked everyday for 1 hour. Everyone at work worried that my water would break). With a towel in between my legs and my upper body covered, I waddled out to find my husband.

I called the hospital, they told me to shower and come into the maternity ward. Half an hour later (8 PM) Troy and I were showered and all three of us were on our way to the hospital. I put 3 large pads on and prayed I would not leak through those (considering how much fluid I had lost already, how much more could be left). With each contraction (every 10 minutes or so at this point) I lost approximately 1/4 cup of fluid. My contractions were becoming more painful with each contraction. Zachary was picked up at the hospital by my husband's friend Rob and his wife Jenny (Jenny is a doctor and ironically she was on call that night along with my doctor). By the time we arrived at the hospital the whole front of my jeans was soaked. Once we were showed to our admitting room, I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough.

The doctor came in to see me. He checked to see if I was dilated and wanted to find out why a C-Section was scheduled for me tomorrow. I told him that I was almost two weeks over due and I had not gone into labor yet. I told him what had happen with my last pregnancy. He said that my cervix had thinned out but I was not dilated. He asked me if I wanted to give it a shot & try for a natural delivery… I said, yes! He gave me hope that I may have a natural delivery after all.

Troy and I were moved to one of the birth rooms. Due to being a high risk for a C-Section the nurses started an IV because I would be unable to eat or drink until I had my baby. Once the IV was hooked up, Troy and I started walking around the floor to help the progression of labor.

As the hours pass by, my contractions moved closer together. By 1:00 AM my contractions are 6 minutes apart. I am experiencing back labor. At this point I am in desperate need of drugs. The nurse gives me Demerol. The drug makes me dizzy but it eases my contractions. The drugs effects only lasted approximately 30 minutes and can only be administered every two hours. Around 4 am the doctor we met earlier in admittance drops in and asks me how I'm doing. I tell him my contractions are now 4 minutes apart. He checks to see if I have dilated, the result, nata. He explains because my doctor is coming in at 7 am, he will wait for him to make a decision regarding my C-Section. The doctor declares I'm not in labor (active labor) and I look great. At that moment if I had Superman powers that doctor would be nothing but a pile of ashes at the foot of my bed.

Granted I was not dilating. My contractions were only 4 minutes apart but I was in a great deal of pain. Because I was not at the pushing stage I was insignificant to the doctor. I consider myself a strong person with a high tolerance to pain but I was losing it. Mentally, I was starting to weaken, and my back labor was becoming more than I could take. I wanted to scream, swear, etc. I needed a second shot of Demerol but the nurse was busy. According to her it was a busy night on the delivery floor. Two women were in active labor (ready to give birth any minute). All available nurses were with these women. Around 5:30 am the nurse popped her head into my room. I asked her for an Epidural. She said, no dear. You can only have that when you are in active labor. She could only give me Demerol. I said whatever, just give me something. I need something!!!!!

I had been in labor for 10 hours. The thought of my unborn baby’s beautiful face, my doctor arriving at the hospital and sipping cocktails pool side is what kept me going. My husband was extremely supportive; he pushed on my back with each contraction to alleviate the pain. He held my hand and didn’t eat anything because I couldn’t. By the time my doctor came to see me my contractions were all over the place, ranging from 4 minutes to 13 minutes apart. I told my doctor, a natural delivery was never going to happen. He said he would check the OR schedule to see if he could fit me in between the pre schedule surgeries. Remember, I was already scheduled for 1:30 pm that afternoon. My doctor was going to try to move me up. Troy and I waited and prayed. Getting in the OR in the next few hours was a must. I couldn't take any more pain; I needed to deliver this baby.

While we were waiting for our doctor another doctor came in and looked at my chart. She summed up that my water broke yesterday at around 7:30 pm, my last meal was at 5:30 pm the day before and I have been in labor since 8 pm last night. She said we have to get you in the OR this morning. She got me to sign all the necessary documents for the surgery, the spinal form (similar to an epidural but the needle goes into your spinal fluid), etc. After talking to her my husband and I believed we would have no problem getting into the OR this morning.

My doctor came into our room; he said that the other surgeon in this morning had two scheduled surgeries and that I would get my C-Section around 12 pm (as long as there were no complications). Basically, he told me to hang in there and he would see me soon. Logically, I can understand why they did not do my C-Section first. Doctors have schedules. They plan for those schedules. As much as I hate to admit it, although I was in a great deal of pain my situation was not life and death. My baby was fine.

I had been in labor for 13 hours. I relied on God’s strength and would have to take each contraction one at a time. I would no longer be getting any pain medication until I had my surgery. For the next few hours I focused on getting my spinal. It sounds crazy, who would want a long needle being inserted into their spine? A person in desperate pain.

Around 12 pm, I was fully prepped for surgery. Finally this moment has arrived. At 12:30pm my doctor advises they are just finishing up in the OR, it should be about 30 minutes and we will be ready to go. At 12:55 PM the doctor I mentioned earlier (gave us the hope we would have no problem getting into the OR before the pre-scheduled surgeries, I call her the “she” doctor) told us a lady just came in who needs an emergency C-Section! She’s losing a lot of blood, she will take your OR spot if they can't get another surgical team to perform the C-Section. THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!! Logically, the woman is in a serious state but all I’m thinking is “why did you have to come in now!” The “she” doctor comes back and advises us that if I do not have my C-Section before 2 PM my baby will have to go to the ICU for the night. She explains if 18 hours pass after your water breaks then this is standard procedure. As she is telling me this I start crying, I turn my back to her and I never look at her again.

My doctor comes in a few minutes later telling me we are ready to go down to the OR. Thank you Jesus!!!! Now it's a race against time. It takes 10 minutes or so to do the spinal and for the drugs to take effect. The anesthesiologist was excellent; she had me done in 5 minutes, totally relaxed, no pain and very responsive to my needs and feelings. But the next thing someone is saying, the OR has been compromised (I had no idea what this meant at the time but according to my husband the doctor advised him to go into the operating room, but he didn’t have his hospital booties on. Therefore his shoes compromised the OR and the team had to change all surgical equipment). Another 10-15 minutes later I was having my C-Section. By now it’s1:50 pm and 2 pm is the deadline on whether our baby will have to spend the night in the ICU. Ethan was born shortly after 2 pm.

Ethan weighted 7 pounds and 10 ounces; he was 20 and 1/2 inches long. I had to wait until 8 pm that night to hold my baby boy for the very first time. I had to spend a few hours in recovery and by the time I was put in my room, the ICU would be shutting down for an hour for the workers to change shifts and file their paper work (they wouldn't allow any visitors at this time).

After this turbulent experience, I have apologized to all my friends and family members that have had a natural childbirth. I take it back, having a C-Section is better than having a natural child birth. In the hospital I said I would rather go through two C-Sections back to back than ever go through 18 hours of back labor again.

I am very thankful to have had this experience. I wouldn't change a thing. Things didn’t go as planned or smooth but that’s life. I have a wonderful, healthy baby boy and that is the most important thing. Women are amazing creatures and I bow down to each and everyone who can deliver naturally.

A Parents Struggle

I've always done my best
to be kind, loving and there for you
to be a friend to lean on, confide in and give advice.

I try to put myself in your shoes
and when we have a fight I try not to say
things I'll regret and scar you for life.
If I'm wrong, I will always be truthful and admit I've made a mistake.
No matter how hard I try to be patient, thoughtful and encourage conversations with you
one day is all it takes for both of us to erase all the progress we have made & go to our old ways.

Constant disrespect and blame for all that doesn't go your way.
When you unload what you've held for so long inside,
without a sense of regret or a need to apologize.
Holding you accountable for your behavior is what I must do
but taking your TV doesn't quite matter to you.

I love you with all your stellar qualities and faults
your old enough to recognize the disrespect you have for me.

Parents love, provide and protect!
But at times we must step back
to teach our children to be successful in life, it's all about respect.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Last night my son Zachary and I went to see "The Pursuit of Happiness" staring the hunky and talented Will Smith. I highly recommend this movie but not because it got great reviews or the excellent acting by Will and his son. This movie teaches one of the most basic lessons in life, "believe in yourself and if you put your mind to it you can do anything". Why is it that something we all have been told numerous times, such as the above lesson, we continue to punish ourselves with thoughts that we are not good enough and self doubt.

For those who were not aware, this movie is based on a true story. The real person this movie was about was a guest on Oprah not that long ago. I think he is the most humble multi-millionaire I have ever seen on TV. The unique aspect was that it wasn't what this man said, it was his eyes. His eyes told his story. You could see warmth, compassion, sadness, hardship, kindness, determination and most of all love. Some say that our eyes are the gate way to our soul...

In the movie; Will and his son go through one hardship after another. In the end, there is only one person you can count on in this world, you. If we believe in ourselves, no matter how trying the journey is, we will succeed.