How do you deal with problems?

Due to recent events, a sad situation to someone near and dear has triggered me to reflect on how individuals deal with their problems. The following maybe applicable to men and women a like but generally I can only speak for myself.

I tend to bury my problems deep inside either partially solved or not at all. I don't recall when I started to bury my problems rather than deal with them head on. When I think back to my childhood I can't say I had anything too heavy to deal with. However, once I entered my teenage years I can remember ignoring my feelings and thinking they would eventually disappear. After a few years of this type of behavior I was quite messed up and self destructive.

I got pregnant at age 16 and it was the best thing that could have happened. My pregnancy combined with being a mother encouraged me to deal with the mistakes I had made in the past. For the first few years of my son's life, I felt great, on top of the world. I was healthy in mind, body and spirit.

The saying, " old habits die hard," was extremely applicable in my case. It took one bad day to undo three years of hard work. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I can even remember what I told myself in that defining moment. I had become my old self. Filled with the same problems I was convinced I solved.

From age 19 to 23 I can't say I tackled anything too deep. My problems from the past continued to be my down fall in the present. I was selfish and despised myself for looking strong on the outside but knowning deep inside I was falling apart. My self-destructive cycle was about to be intervene by a higher power.

At age 23 I got a rude awaking. I was juggling too many things: being a single mom, working part-time, in my third year of University and the Features Editor of the University newspaper. In hind sight I kept myself extremely busy so I wouldn't have to face my problems. Physically I came undone. Many years of being a pack a day smoker combined with years of starving myself and eating unhealthy food began to reflect. My body started to reject food all together. I couldn't eat or drink without suffering an enormous amount of pain. In a sense I had gotten what I wanted, for years I had starved myself and now that I wanted to eat and get health, I couldn't.

After a few months of deep physical pain and health problems, my mental and emotional state started to break down. I was in such bad shape that I had to seek out a professional (I'm the kind of person who hates to ask for help or admit they can't handle a situation on their own). I would love to tell you I learned all this profound stuff about why I kept repeating the same types of behaviors but the fact is I don't remember a thing about the "meetings" with the counselor. I blocked the whole thing out. I seen this conunselor for months and yet even to this day I don't remember anything about the sessions except the day I told him I didn't need to see him anymore. He had this look of terror and surprise on his face. He asked me to reconsider and recommended that I continue to see him. I left his office and never looked back.

Problems... We can choose to look at our problems as challenges that with enough effort we can overcome them and focus on the positives. Or let our problems defeat us, let them eat away at everything we have worked so hard to achieve.

Over the years I have learned to write my problems down and try to make sense of them that way. Sometimes it is clear what the root of the problem is and other times not so. I keep a journal and can refer back to specific dates and times of events. Every now and again I write a passage and think to myself gee this sounds familiar. Upon inspection I find a parallel excerpt expressing a similar problem years earlier.

Do we ever really solve a problem completely? Maybe we only trick ourselves into thinking we have dealt with our problems. You tell me.