Where did you go?

Anyone reading my blog must think I'm either a really slow writer or a woman with few words. Neither are the case. If I had the time I would write a post everyday. I would use this tool to express my hopes, dreams, frustrations and philosophies to name a few.

Right now, I am struggling to find balance in my life. Call me the mommy superhero by day and the conflicted career women at night. I am the proud mother of two charming sons. My oldest is almost 11 years old and my youngest is 5 months. So far the experience of motherhood with both of them couldn't be more opposite.

When I had my first son I was 17 and lived with my parents. They helped me out financially, parental duties, emotionally and so much more. I couldn't have done it without them. After giving birth to my oldest son I only had about one month to spend with him before it was time to go back to High School. My oldest son has been with either a private babysitter or daycare during the day since he was about 1 month old. I spent time with him in the evenings, weekends and during summer breaks. This year is the first year in almost 11 years my son was able to join a after school program, or to come home on the bus and play with his friends. This is the first year my son has his mother waiting for him to come home to ask him how his day was and not the other way around. I have and will always carry a large amount of guilt because I wasn't always there for my child. Logically, I know I did the best I could as a single mom. I finished High School, went to Community College, put myself through 4 years of University to achieve my Bachelors in Business Administration with a Major in Management and worked various jobs pre and post University.

In contrast, with my second son, I'm older, wiser; I have a loving husband that is a great dad, a wonderful son that is a terrific big brother, a home of our own and a career I worked very hard for. I have taken the whole year off from work to enjoy and see first hand my child grow up. I get to see all my babies' firsts: His smile, laugh, first words and so much more. This time around I can devote 100 % of my time to my children. Having this year with my children is a wonderful feeling and extremely rewarding.

When you devote all your time to raising children it is extremely hard not too lose your idenity even if it's only temporary. To remember to take time for yourself, kids are a 24 hour, 7 days a week job and life time commitment. If you don't tend to your own needs as a women/ individual then you've lost a key component in raising your children to be true to themselves and their personalities. You can't teach children what's most important in life if you lose yourself and what matters most to you.

Where did I go? Mommy Mommy Land (the opposite of Never Never Land).